On the outside I give the idea that I live a perfect life. I even find myself believing the lie I’ve put out to the public. I NEVER disagree with my husband. ALL my days are full of wine, friends and Gucci. I’m living a carefree expat life in London. And my favorite, NEVER HAVE I EVER… experienced a bad day.
Lately I’ve been struggling with a quarter life crisis and an endless string of bad days. About a year ago my younger sister died and part of me died with her. I find myself looking in the mirror and not knowing the woman looking back at me. Asking myself…
Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? Who the heck am I? Why am I 26 and still don’t know who I am? What’s important to me now? Holy shit, do I want kids? People expect me to start having kids soon. OMG do I want to dedicate my life to taking care of another human? All my plants die (finally mastered keeping a cactus alive 👌🏼). Why do all my friends have their shit together and I still get hammered and sleep on my mom’s bathroom floor? What are my morals now? Do I even have them?
I beat myself up for thinking these things but why? Why can I not accept that I don’t have everything figured out. I mean, who does have everything figured out and what in the hell is your secret? I might make a few mistakes. Have a few too many silly drunken nights that I make a fool of myself, shit happens. 🤷🏼♀️ Make a few more mistakes. But if you learn from them and better yourself are they actually mistakes or fate throwing you a curve ball to keep life interesting? Do I have all the answers now? No and I think that’s alright (Until my next mental breakdown). I don’t think I’ll ever have all the answers and maybe I don’t want them. What would life be if you knew it all, eh?
New Year Resolutions
Take life day by day
Like I said above. I struggle not having a plan but life is for living. EVERY SINGLE BEAUTIFUL DAY we get to spend on this Earth and I don’t want to waste another minute of it worrying about my damn perfect 5 and 10 year plan.
Don’t dwell on things that don’t matter
Perfect example, a few days ago I went out for my bestie’s birthday and drank too much. Honestly I don’t remember much, except the “embarrassing” things of course but why did I feel embarrassed? I had an absolute blast! Plus who doesn’t do ridiculous things when they’re drinking? This NY I want to reduce my stress by blowing off, not up, the small things that won’t make a difference in a week. Also it is a confidence booster not analyzing every small “issue”.
Keep doing things that make me happy
These things change so I need to recognize and change with them. I hope to ask myself every day what’s something that will bring a smile to my face today? Then do it!
Maybe go back to…